Dear Amy: My husband and I built a house. We signed a contract when we returned from our honeymoon.
I earn a quarter of what he earns (in the nonprofit sector), and have lived frugally in the hopes of having my own house one day.
My husband owns his own home, so he brings the equity from the sale of that home to the purchase of our new home.
I have cash flow and we agreed that I would bring 25% of the cost of the new house to the table.
Also, he wants me to pay for his share of our new house ($ 130,000) until his house sells, then he will pay me back.
Normally I would do this without blinking, but my husband revealed something about his character that filled me with suspicion.
Her father sent us a Christmas check as a gift.
According to the instructions on the card, each of us was to receive $ 100.
My husband never gave me my allotted share.
I mustered the courage to ask him about it, but he brushed it off.
It sounds like a small thing, but it has bigger implications.
Amy, what if I lend him $ 130,000 and he doesn’t pay me back?
It’s a big part of my retirement savings.
I feel like a moron asking him to sign a promissory note, but I feel like I can’t face him this money without getting him to sign a first one.
Am I right to ask him to sign this note? He claims the loan.
One real estate agent told us he should ask for four to five days of possession from the seller after closing, so we can stay in his house until ours is ready – and bring his money from the sale directly to the closing of the new house.
– Bride of the South
Dear bride: Your husband’s choice to withhold that $ 100 certainly has longer-term consequences.
You should seek to obtain a post-nup legal agreement, outlining the details of that home-based agreement and clarifying other financial matters.
In my opinion, you shouldn’t lend him such a large sum, but you should take the advice of your real estate agent to put his money from the sale directly into the new home.
If you decide to pay his share of the money for the new house as well as contribute your own, you will own the new house until he pays his share and can add his name to the deed.
This money represents the totality of your retirement nest egg; if you want to drive everything into this house, you should have a solid paper trail.
Also, if you are having a house built, in addition to the money you both contribute, you should think about how to deal with the (almost inevitable) cost overruns.
Dear Amy: During the pandemic, I reflected on my life and realized that I wanted to get married and have children.
Unfortunately, dating apps don’t work for me.
What else can I do?
Also, when the pandemic is over, would it be okay to watch every passing stranger in the hopes of meeting someone I can spend the rest of my life with?
– I would like some love
Dear love: During my almost 20 years of adult celibacy, I often wondered if I would only meet someone special if I hit them with my car.
So yes, I give you permission to take a look at every stranger that passes (quietly, please!) In the hope of making a match.
You will learn, however, that wishing will not make it so.
You should shift your focus from “marry” to “match”. See online matchmaking as a way to get out and work out. You will no doubt meet others who also tiptoe back into the world – rusty, perhaps, but willing.
You can use a dating coach to polish your match profile to showcase your best side and walk you through the process.
Dear Amy: No no no – you were so irrelevant in your response to “Embarrassed Gren”,[CQ] whose 17-year-old grandson slept with his baby blanket and a soft toy during his visit.
It’s a very strange thing to do and this guy is going to be bullied relentlessly if he ever goes to college.
– upset
Dear upset: One reader (whose parents worried about her wanting to take her “sweetheart” to college) quoted her own grandmother, who said: “She’s smart enough to hide it and confident enough not to. hide it. She will realize it.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy Where Facebook.)
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