How to tell your teenage daughter about her boyfriend

Talk to your teenage girl about her boyfriend, whether his first or fifth, has the potential to be a difficult conversation. It’s because fathers might have a hard time coming to terms with their daughter’s booming romantic desires and needs. And for teenage girls, it is extremely uncomfortable to be seen to have even romantic wants and needs. But while all of this makes it difficult to find common ground, talking about relationships with adolescent girls remains crucial. Because other popular sources of relationships may be unnecessary at best and dangerous at worst.

Children have their heads filled with all kinds of romantic ideals and ideas. What they need to know is that good relations are good relations are good relations ”, Deborah Roffman, who has been teaching human sexuality education at Park School in Baltimore since 1975 and is the author of, Talk to me first: everything you need to know to become your children’s reference person when it comes to sex.

How to tell your teenage daughter about her boyfriend

  • Talk about relationships as soon as it makes sense to you, frequently and without judgment, in a way that’s appropriate for your age.
  • When it comes to having “the conversation,” remember this is a holistic conversation about consent and romance, not just about the genitals.
  • Parents need to make a connection between what healthy friendships look like and what healthy romantic relationships look like.
  • Parents should constantly compliment their daughters on their strengths and remind them that respect is when people don’t exceed their limits.
  • Accept that your teenager might be boyish for a little while. Teens are very present-oriented and, despite their best efforts, are likely to think that their teenage boyfriend is “the right one.”

And so that you can honestly talk to your daughter about these things – and get her to absorb this information – these conversations need to happen early and often, Hoffman points out.

Above all, it is not just a question of getting into “the speech”. Yes, sex is an important part of discussing what healthy relationships look like, but parents tend to get bogged down in the physical. Hoffman points out that sex is more than the technical definition.

“We tend to have a definition of sexuality in this culture that focuses on the genitals,” she says. “Because that’s the part that adults find uncomfortable to talk about. Look at the way we define sex! It is this part that touches this part. It is a technical definition of body parts that says nothing about the human being attached to these parts.

To this end, Roffman notes that all sex chats should include nuances. Emotional aspects need to be discussed. People who have sex should be taken into account. It’s more complicated than breaking the genitals together. Parents need to take a holistic view. And maybe never use the phrase “breaking the genitals”. Because, uh.

Parents who want to talk to their daughters about their boyfriends should also avoid what Roffman sees as a common mistake: not approaching trust in the context of romance.

“The things that are part of all your good relationships are the things that will sustain healthy romantic relationships, “she said.” The kids already know that. Ask them how they decide they can trust someone. It’s background based. Right? Well, it’s the same here. There are basic skills that we teach kids about everything else, but not about romance. ”

Parents need to discuss healthy friendships early and often with their children, and if so, extend that to romance. Hoffman suggests that parents ask their children, “What are the signs of a relationship that is controlling and potentially bordering on violence?” Someone who isolates you, doesn’t want you to have other friends, constantly wants to know where you are, talks about others in a humiliating way, talks about other girls especially in a humiliating way, what do you like said? she says.

Parents must also focus on self-esteem – girls need to know how much they are worth, how much they are worth in a relationship. Children with self-esteem know what they will and won’t do, and it’s hard for them to be convinced otherwise, Hoffman says.

“Suppose a guy wants to do something sexually and the girl says ‘No, that’s not something I want to do.’ As soon as that other person tries to change their mind, the conversation is no longer about sex. It is the respect. You have just said what is true for you. For someone to try to talk you out of it is to only care about them. There is no fundamental respect for you. If you have low self-esteem, watch how easily you could be exposed for what you know to be true to you, ”says Hoffman.

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